We were walking through Whole Foods last week, when Julia decided to let me know she thought someone looked funny.
She wasn’t quiet about it.
In fact, the person she was referring to turned around.
My cheeks went bright red. My first instinct was to be indignant and tell Julia, “That’s not a nice thing to say.” You know, loud enough so that others around would know what a good mother I was….
But then I thought about it. It wasn’t just about me and really, what would she learn from that statement?
Instead, I took the time to kneel down and ask her why she thought the person looked funny.
“She’s missing a hand.”
The woman was. And I think this was one of the first times Julia has noticed someone with a disability. At least it was the first time she had vocally noticed someone.
“You’re right,” I said. “But it doesn’t make her funny looking, it makes her different.”
I proceeded to tell her how everyone is different. I pointed out how she has blue eyes and I have brown. I reminded her about how her friend Sam wears hearing aids and she doesn’t. I explained that some people are born with legs that might not work, or hands that could be missing.
And then I asked her next time she noticed someone different, to let me know quietly. That sometimes it wasn’t nice for her to yell it out, it might make them feel funny, or sad, or bad.
“You know,” I said. “Like when someone at school called you funny.”
The next time, she did.
When she saw someone different she tugged at my shirt and whispered. “Momma, look he’s in chair (wheelchair). I hope he’s not sad.”
I smiled. She’d not only learned about differences in people, but she also how to be discreet and have empathy.
Have you ever had of these awkward moments? How did you handle it?
Linking up with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out.
I know what you mean. We once met a woman without a hand and they kids bought it up immediately. In fact she said it was a relief, as adults keep stealing glances whereas kids are more up front and honest. THis is a really hard one though, I am always shushing my kids when we are in public.
Jody Brettkelly recently posted..My Nike Slide Years
Yes, my first instinct is to shush, but I’ve decided to use them as (and I hate this phrase, overused??) a teachable moment.
Carolyn recently posted..Creamy Macaroni And Cashew Cheese
i LOVE this… You are right, that is our first instinctual response, but that doesn’t make it right… Good job handling that!
Misty recently posted..Oh dear…
Thanks Misty!
Carolyn recently posted..Creamy Macaroni And Cashew Cheese
Kids are painfullly honest and I think you handled it perfectly.
Robbie recently posted..Celebrate
Thanks Robbie.
Carolyn recently posted..Creamy Macaroni And Cashew Cheese
Good job… Fast thinking and I public too…
Struggling recently posted..Play dad?
It sounds like you were able to use it as a teachable moment!
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Learning Experience or Being Competitive
Thanks Shell.
Carolyn recently posted..Creamy Macaroni And Cashew Cheese
Oh, I love this, girl!
You really did teach her something there – that differences aren’t bad, to have empathy, and to come and talk to you about what she’s thinking and wondering!
(All of those are so, so very important! Well done, mama!)
Galit Breen recently posted..The Big Gay Race
Thanks Galit. She is still a work in progress, but I’m loving what I see :)
Carolyn recently posted..Creamy Macaroni And Cashew Cheese
This is a really great post! Good for you for taking the time to explain it to her and what a great parenting lesson as well!!! I will definitely use this!
Alexa recently posted..Heard from the Back Seat! #1
Thanks Alexa. I often question if I am doing it right, so it is nice to have some confirmation!
Carolyn recently posted..Creamy Macaroni And Cashew Cheese