Marriage Takes Work

When I first met my husband, I knew I wanted to be with him. He was funny, engaging, and handsome. I loved how he looked at people when he spoke to them, how he genuinely listened to them, how he made them feel important.

When he asked me to marry him, it took me less than a second to say yes. {And then ask him why it took him so long to ask :) }

Marriage child-free was great, we could do what we wanted when we wanted, and we could sleep in!

Marriage with children is hard work.

After a rough night with one, or both girls, my husband is no longer knowledgeable, smart, or funny.

In fact, he can be annoying, dumb, and irritating. So much so, I could consider divorcing him……

Thankfully, we both realize that our frustrations come from being “on” all the time.

Worrying about the children,
Entertaining them,
Feeding them,
Keeping them safe.

And we can forget that we are a team. That we need to work together.

We love each other, and yet I feel like we don’t always appreciate each other. So recently we took some time out from our lives as parents and went away. Just the two of us. No kids. For two nights.

It helped. We didn’t do anything special other than hang out, and

Talk, with no interruptions
Eat, with no schedule
Sleep, with no early wake-ups.

And during one of our walks I saw the following picture in a window. {Maybe it was a sign for us}.

{That’s me snapping the photo!}

As I read it, I realized

We can get lost and forget to be the person we want our partner to be.

And we need to remember to connect.

The getaway was great, but you know what? We missed our girls and couldn’t wait to get back. But, we also started to chat about our next getaway.

Do you take time to reconnect with your partner? How do you reconnect?

Linking up with PYHO.

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Comments

  1. 1

    Great post! I feel the same way, the relationship we have after kids is so much different than before! We can’t be selfish anymore, the kids need our time and energy. I love how you found a sign, literally!
    Teresa recently posted..Happy Mother’s DayMy Profile

  2. 3

    Great post! Marriage with children does take a lot of work! My husband will take a day off when our older kids are at school and my parents or in-laws will watch our toddler. We still have the baby with us but we have time to just spend time concentrating on each other.
    Michelle
    http://normalchaosforamultitaskmom.blogspot.com/2012/04/my-biggest-regret.html

  3. 5

    I felt as I was reading my own thoughts.

  4. 7

    Oh man, I loved reading this post! I recently posted about a conversation my DH and I had. We couldn’t decide which was harder: Love or Marriage. Our son came within the first year we were married, so we basically have always had children as part of our marriage. I sometimes forget that the kids are a factor is how well the marriage works. Thanks for writing this and planting that seed in my mind.
    Amiyrah recently posted..Rubber DuckieMy Profile

    • 8

      Thank you!
      We try hard to have a healthy and great marriage, so our daughters can see one. Sure we mess up once in awhile, but we try.

  5. 9

    What a beautiful sign! I love the quote and the reminder. Good for you for taking time out with your husband to remember to be spouses instead of only parents.
    Jaclyn recently posted..I will not let me turn into a worry wartMy Profile

  6. 11

    Its so easy to get caught up in everyday life we forget.. my marriage is hanging on by a thread because of that.. thanks for posting this :)
    brittney recently posted..The end of the roadMy Profile

  7. 13

    SUCH a good reminder. And I love that sign you found. Some days it can be so hard and just so MUCH and it takes constant work.
    Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..Yep. I DO Judge and I’m Not Sorry for itMy Profile

  8. 15

    Marriage is hard- and with kids, even harder! We do a monthly date night to have our time together.
    Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Asking For HelpMy Profile

    • 16

      I think date nights are important. We started them a few months back. Going away was different and fun. We plan to do more overnights.

  9. 17
    Maisie Knowles says:

    Couldn’t agree more. If you don’t take the time to work on your marriage now while kids are around there will be nothing keeping you together when you’re empty-nesters. Dating shouldn’t stop after your vows, you’ve got to keep dating your spouse so you don’t drift apart. I’m so glad you guys got to get away!!

  10. 19

    I loved this post and needed to hear it. Marriage takes work but it’s so worth it.
    Brandy recently posted..SO WHAT WEDNESDAYMy Profile

  11. 21

    Wish we’d done loads more getaways when the kids were smaller but we did go out every Sat night and usually one other night as well. A 5pm getaway was imperative. At the time it totally felt like we were in the trenches and we always tended to do compete on how miserable our days were, laughed about it later though.
    Jody Brettkelly recently posted..Betty Draper OvereaterMy Profile

  12. 23

    Such a wonderful post. After the kids come along it is so easy to forget the love that got us here in the first place. Hubby and I definitely need to plan us a little getaway this summer.
    Karen recently posted..Field TripMy Profile

  13. 25

    It’s definitely easier to get along just the two of you on a trip. Last time we did that was when I ran NYC marathon, but I hope we can do it again sometime.

  14. 27

    Visiting from SITS.

    Even though my husband and I are currently childless we don’t always get to do what we want, when we want, or how we want. That’s just life. Maybe it’s just because I’m kind of cranky today but it kind of irritates me that parents seem to think us childless couples have it so easy. I certainly don’t. I balance a hectic schedule, a single-income, getting bills paid, sharing one car, and all kinds of other struggles on a daily basis.

    That being said, when we can we do just shut off everything in the household and curl up on the couch for a movie night. On the lucky few days/nights, we either take an impromptu road trip or we go out to dinner somewhere.

    And you’re right — marriage does take work with or without kids involved. Lately my husband bugs the ever loving crud out of me and it’s likely just because I have a lot on my mind. At the end of the day though I have to remember why I married him: Because he’s a kind, caring, generous, and hilarious man who loves me. Just that some days he will annoy me and vice versa.
    Kim @ Coffee Pot Chronicles recently posted..Road Blocks and Rip Offs: Education FrustrationMy Profile

  15. 29

    I totally needed to read this! Relationships are hard work, and kids make them harder for sure. This was the perfect reminder after the week I’ve had and the weekend that’s yet to come…lots of stress, but I love them and even though it takes work, it’s so so so worth it.

  16. 31

    Came over from SITS as soon as I saw the title of your post. I love it. Fantastic. You are so right in everything you said!! BRAVO!!!!
    thedoseofreality recently posted..Winning Is Not the Only ThingMy Profile

  17. 33

    Oh this is so very important! I love the transparency, and the reminder!

    (Good for you guys for getting away, and for stepping back to really SEE each other and your marriage!)
    Galit Breen recently posted..Sunshine and Cookies and FriendshipMy Profile

  18. 35

    A good reminder. I feel like with children (esp very young ones) you kind of lose yourself and your spouse for a while. This is something I struggle with a lot too.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Outside of the ShoeboxMy Profile

  19. 37

    Until recently, my husband and I did not take time out to connect. We were, as you say, always “on.” I didn’t realize what a toll this was taking until we were forced to spend some time together without the girls as we were facing some major medical issues and decisions. Even through the rough times we realized how different it was giving ourselves a few hours to be adults without worrying about the girls interrupting. I am a huge fan of taking some time to connect with just husband and wife now and will be making arrangements for us to have some quiet time a couple days a month now.
    Karen recently posted..BetweenMy Profile

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