Thumper turned one last week.
|I think she likes cake.|
And while we celebrated, I was a little sad. Okay, I cried at least once, maybe twice.
My baby is growing up, and I’ll miss the baby stage.
After her birthday, I started to think back to the day she was born and the day JBird was born.
JBird was a schedule c-section. She was breech, butt first and jammed in my pelvis. No matter what we did to turn her,
|Frozen Peas on her head,|
I couldn’t sleep the night before her c-section, I was going to become a Momma! And while her birth was very special, it was also different then I had imagined.
I felt disconnected, like I wasn’t really a part of the birth. I was a participant, but not the main participant. While I lay on the surgery table, being comforted by my husband,
things were happening around me, that I wasn’t in control of. The doctors and nurses went about their business, while I waited for them to pull JBird out.
And when she was born, they whisked her away for Apgar testing, measurements, etc.
I missed out on immediately loving my baby, having her placed on my chest, and welcoming her with a hug. And when they did bring her to meet me, no one told me for a good 10s she was there. :(
Despite the disconnection I felt I had with JBird’s birth, we are very connected, I just wish our beginning had been different.
Now with Thumper, I wanted, and was able to have, a VBAC.
I loved not knowing when she was going to come. And when she started to come, I was crazy, I was nuts, I was a mother in labor who knew it and declared “Consider this hospital room Vegas. Whatever happens in this room, stays in this room!”
With Thumper’s birth, I was the main particpant, the main player. I made the decisions and it felt good.
But the best part of her birth was the instant connection to Thumper. The very second she was born she was placed on my chest. I smelled her, kissed her, cuddled her.